heading home

Today is my last day in Guatemala. I am a mix of emotions, excitement to see my family, sadness to leave new friends here. Now I face a new unknown of what to do when I get back. But I am trying not to think so much about that right now. For now, I am going to soak up my last hours with gratitude. 
My teacher this last week introduced me to a poem by Violeta Parra called "Gracias a La Vida" - a beautiful poem and song about gratitude to life for all the things it has given to her. The stanzas of the song keep playing in my head as I prepare to leave. Gratitude, gratitude... y gracias a Guatemala!

Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto, Me di dos luceros que cuando los abro Perfecto distingo lo negro del blanco, Y en alto cielo su fondo estrellado Y en las multitudes al hombre que yo amo. Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto, Me ha dado el cielo que en todo su ancho Graba noche y día grillos y canarios, Martillos, turbinas, ladridos, chubascos y la voz tan tiene de mi bien amado.Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto, Me ha dado el sonido y el abecedario Con las palabras que pienso y declaro, Madre, amigo, hermano y luz alumbrando La vida del alma del que estoy amando.

Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto, Me ha dado la marcha de mis pis cansados, Con ellos anduve ciudades y charcos, Playa y desiertos, montanas y llanos Y la casa tuya, tu calle y tu patio. Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto, Me di el corazón que agita su mano Cuando miro el fruto del cerebro humano, Cando miro el bueno tan lejos del malo, Cuando miro el fondo de tus ojos claros. Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto, Me ha dado la risa y me ha dado el llanto, Así yo distingo dicha de quebranto, Los dos materiales que forman mi canto Y el canto de todos que es mi propio canto. Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto.

Gracias a La Vida Song

Graduation Day! I have learned so much from this school and these people. 

Tajumulco Aventura!

Guatemala has not been short of adventures! This last weekend the school took a group of us on a hiking trip up the tallest volcano in Central America, Volcan Tajumulco. It was by far one of the best experiences of my trip, and I would even say my life. The intensity of the hike was waayy understated to us when the trip was described but it was well worth the trek! We left before the sun came up Saturday morning, spent the day climbing, camped in tents at the base of the volcano, ate camp food, told stories, and scaled the volcano early Sunday morning in time to see the sun rise over the beautiful Guatemalan horizon. Truly wonderful. Here's some photos of the journey...

the crew, ready to go.

feeling good so far (hiking in high altitude is rough!) and loving the view.

lunch on el camino: bread from a local shop & guatemalan avocado... yummm

the volcano is the big mountain up to the left.
this was a beautiful open field in the middle of the mostly forested hike.

almost to our campsite, the clouds in the valley below were just unreal.

the beginning of the sunrise on top of the volcano, approximate time 5:30am.
it felt like we were watching the beginning of the world.

the clouds beneath us looked like a frothy ocean stretching out to an endless horizon.

welcome sun!

a serious feeling of accomplishment, gratitude for beauty, and extreme tiredness, loving it all. 

my feet by the end: ragged, blistered, and well used. a gift of an adventure.

Guatemala y Gracia

I've been in Guatemala for over a week now, woh, time flies. The days are full: Spanish one-on-one class from 8am till 1pm, usually an activity with the school in the afternoon, and dinner and homework at night. I'm absolutely LOVING it! Having traveled for the last couple months in countries where I did not at all speak the language, it is so comforting to go to a place where I can at least get by with the language. I'm living with a host mom, Doña Berta or Catalina (she goes by both, which I love). She is an 83 year old woman with this vibrant, rich, child-like spirit and just the right about of sass. She laughs constantly with these deep eyes that hold decades of stories behind them. She reminds me of my grandma who passed away several years ago, something in her smile I think. It has been so good to live, learn, and EAT with her - I am WELL fed here for sure. Oh, and she has a pet pigeon named Paloma. I would not say that Paloma and I are friends yet, but I have 2 more weeks there and I'm sure we will bond. Photos forthcoming of both... 


Last Thursday was Dia de Gracias (Thanksgiving) and it was the first Thanksgiving I have ever spent away from my family. It was strange but I felt oddly grown up away from home but still desperately missed being home with my family. Thankfully, my friends here Blake and Amy Nelson (who are AWESOME!) invited me to dinner at their house with some of their friends here in Xela. It was a simple, perfect night. Dinner, dessert, and speaking in Spang-lish. We listened to Christmas music and laughed. It was so good to be with friends that know me and feel a bit of home so far away from home.

Thanksgiving Day Dinner!

If you haven't read Anne Lamott, do it. For real. I love her raw honesty, no BS, tell-it-like-it-is style - she makes me want to do the same. I have been devouring Traveling Mercies like it's nobody's business, trying to slow down so I can read it for longer. One part in particular really captured me, speaking into something I have been experiencing these last couple weeks, giving me words I needed. It was in her chapter on grace. She begins by saying that she's learned more about grace in the last 2 weeks. I feel the same. I can't really put my finger on what it is exactly. All I know is that I feel God's presence in a different way here. I'm resting deeper and just feel more at peace. Maybe it's that I'm not constantly on the move like in Europe or maybe it's Doña Berta's amazing cooking and warm smile. I don't know. And really I don't care to define it. I just love living in it. So grace, o gracia, has found me here. I am grateful for it. 

trains, planes, and new friends

The rest of my time in Europe went by in a whirlwind of planes, trains, and new friends. There are about 1,001 things that I loved about Europe, but one thing in particular I've really come to love are long train rides. And wow have I had a lot of those. But it became my respite admist busy movement. There was this space and time to think as I got to watch the world pass by outside the window.  I am going to miss those train rides as I leave Europe...


Florence & Venice

View from the top of the cathedral in Florence.

I was greeted in Florence by Sara and Besmir. Thank you dear Marte Samuelstuen for connecting me to these two wonderful people! Highlight: After a homemade Italian meal from Sara, I hit the city. Stop 1: a 430+ stair climb to the top of the cathedral. It was worth every step. The sun was just going down and the city lights were coming up. I could see for miles in every direction. It was this great moment where I was reminded not to rush, and to just take a depth breath and enjoy.

Best. canoli. ever. In Venice.

Venice happened in a flash. I arrived in the morning and left that night to catch a night train to Munich. Venice is as picturesque as I've heard and immediately enchanting with its chanals, boats, and amazing buildings. But admist the beauty I was also sad to see so much commercialism. I know Venice isn't the first or the last city to commodify its natural beauty but it just struck me as I was there. I just kept wondering if we can open up places to be enjoyed without partially destroying them. This question gives me food for thought as I wander through places as a tourist...


Munich & Salzburg

Looking out at the lakes and mountains outside of Salzburg.

The theme of the following 4 days in Germany and Austria was making friends.The first night in Munich I met Angie and Joe from Colorado - they sort of saved me from an awkward conversation at a restaurant I was at and we spent the night talking, dancing, and listening to German folk music. The next day I met Maron who, after our day tour, invited me to go to an ice hockey game with her husband and daughter. Go Germany! And then there was the group of teachers who invited me to dinner with them after our Sound of Music tour in Salzburg (yes, I did the tour and it was awesome!!!!! I felt like I was 10 years old again and loved every second of it!). The group of us ate at this 120+ year old restaurant run by monks - wow, it was go-od. Then there was Amelie and the Miessner family that I met at Taize who hosted me for a night and gave me a tour around the Black Forrest area in Germany before I headed back to Paris. Mrs. Miessner even took me to her weekly dance class where a group of about 12 of German women, 1 guy, and I danced to Russian, Greek, and other Eastern music for a couple hours. By far one of my most random but favorite memories!


A quick stop in Dublin

New friend Chloe! She was so fun!

I had a short 24 hour layover in Dublin and was so grateful to connect with Chloe (Shout out to Sarah Weber for connecting us!). She became an insta-friend. We wandered the streets of Dublin, did some shopping, and talked about life. It definitely was, as Chloe said, a "whistlestop tour" but I got a tinsy taste of the city and enjoyed super fun company.

A beautiful, peaceful park in Munich, Germany.

Making new friends has definitely been one of my favorite parts of traveling. I think something changes in the way we see "the other" when traveling. Instead of seeing others as strangers in your way, they are like you, just enjoying a journey, and in that spirit there is more welcome and invitation to friendship. I hope to try to create this "traveler's culture" in my life at home. To invite people in my journey, like people did for me, offering hospitality in small ways when I can. I am grateful for this lesson.  

I'm nearly 2 months into this journey and there are no words that sum anything up. If anything I have so many more questions about the world and myself, but I'm learning. I'm learning how to hold onto this whole experience loosely, like a loaned gift. My tendency often is to grip tightly to goodness, as if I can control it. But in reality goodness can't be contained in one place, one person, one experience. The bigger lesson is how to continue to see and receive goodness in a new day and new place, not trying to drag something along from the past. I miss home, the comfort of people who know me deeply, and I am ok with that. I have to let myself feel it all, knowing its all part of the journey. Next stop is Guatemala. I'm totally exhausted in everyway but excited for this last chapter. Much love!

Pastries & Prayer

Sorry it's taken me a while to write, internet has been sparse! Stepping off the plane in Paris was surreal. The city was just waking up when I arrived, light was beginning to come up behind old buildings and I couldn’t wait to get out and explore. The movement from Africa to the heart of Paris was strange and difficult without a bridge or space to help me transition. I knew it would be hard but I also knew that I had to be present and take in the new place now in front of me. I think that is the hardest part of traveling to many places, to allow what you have experienced to linger with you while being totally open to the experience of the new. So I took the long train ride from the airport to my hotel and just took things in and let myself settle into Paris.

I immediately fell in love with Paris. I mean, it is the city of love after all. Walking lively streets covered with falling red, brown, and yellow leaves, I felt blissfully alone but surrounded by life and energy. My first metro ride, I emerged from the station to see the Arc de Triomphe to my right and the Champes Elysees to my left. Then I walked. Down the Champes Elysees, through a park, and over the Seine river. And then there she was, nestled between fall colored trees, old buildings, a blue sky – the Eiffel Tower. Call me a hopeless romantic but it was like a dream. I wandered through streets and neighborhoods and just soaked it into my soul.

I think Paris has been given a bad rap over the years as being stuffy, cold, and unfriendly. I found the opposite to be true. So many people were helpful and friendly. Like Joel from the little wine shop who sat with me for 30 minutes to tell me all the best places to eat in the area and where I should visit and how to get there. What a gem. And don't get me started on the food! Ahhh, there was pastesserie after pastesserie with crossants, breads, quiches, and little macaroon cookies. Oh and stands with crepes everywhere. O la la!

The next day I met up with Jamie Netherland who’s in Paris helping with a PLNU study abroad program and she was my tour guide for the day. We saw so much of the city in just a few hours. Among my favorites were the Montmarte where they shot the chase scene from Amelie. At the top you can see the entire city and we took in the landscape while we listened to a man play familiar tunes on his harp. Magical. In the evening we met up with more friends – Rosalie Rhine and Tracy Le. We had amazing evening going to the ballet and to a real french dinner after with Gabby Sanchez who is also in Paris. Paris was the place to be in November apparently! It was a real treat to hang out with such fun and dear friends!



Crepes!

Monet painting that spanned a whole wall at the Musee de Orangerie in Paris.

Then it was off to Taizé. The train ride there took me across the French countryside. A complete constrast to the busy city, houses stood miles apart and with acres of farms with cows, trees, and open space. A perfect way to be ushered into a week of peace and reflection. It took me a couple days to slow down from my fast pace and settle into the simplicity and routine of Taizé life. Each day we had a time of prayer in the main church. Song chants are repeated and prayers are read in multiple languages. My small group alone was a mix of people from Belgium, Germany, Hong Kong, Australia, and France! I loved hearing so many languages at prayer times and around camp at meals. I found it so beautiful that we were a collective group of people, disconnected from the outside, but all walking toward God, creator of all people and all together for a week of community.

Train ride to Taizé

Taizé is this open space that comes alive with its people and the movement of God among them. I got used to the rhythm of life. Prayer, work, time in community. Routine has been redeemed in many ways for me this week. My resistance to schedule and routine melted into peaceful gratitude for set quiet moments built into the day. I think I'll find myself back to Taizé some day, its one of those places that calls you back to that open space where you can just be. My soul feels refreshed and I am sure I'll continue to discover the significance of this week as my trip unfolds. 

St. Francis stained glass at Taizé

Now I jump back into travel and movement. Next stop Florence, Italy! Buon giorno pizza, gelato, and pasta! I thought I'd share also my prayer for myself right now: Find the good in today. Be grateful, this moment is a gift. Listen and learn.

leaving Africa

As I hear the rain falling outside as I write, I am keenly aware that I am leaving the beauty of Africa. The last week has held so many different experiences that it's hard to wrap my mind around everything. So I won't try to wrap it all up but just give a little bit of my thoughts that are in my mind as I go...

Meeting David:

I met David just outside of Gisenyi when Pastor Simon had taken some of us to see the natural hot springs. After driving down a rocky dirt road and through a small town we arrived and drew some attention since there were a bunch of Rwandans with a "muzungu" (white person). David approached me quietly and just stood by me until I said hello. He quickly answered back and I could tell was excited to practice his English. He carried a ball that had been carefully made with plastic bags and string to be a soccer ball - each knot was perfectly spaced and tied. We began to talk and I asked him what he wanted to study. He said medicine, to be a doctor. I told him that was so great and to keep going in school to be a doctor. He smiled and we continued to chat about his tests at school the next day. Our conversation was short as we left the hot springs shortly after, but I keep thinking about David. I don't think I'll ever see him again or know what he will do with his life and I hold both sadness and hope for him. Seeing poverty is never easy and is not anything I can or want to rationalize, summarize, or try to forget - I hope it affects me and continues to affect me deeply in my life. I have learned that it is the weight of the knowledge of sadness, injustice, and hurt in the world that keeps us human and deeply connected to our world. I hold hope for David that he will become a doctor like he dreams. I want it so bad for him. I think the world we live in holds both immense goodness, sadness, dreams, and unjust reality. I hope that I don't ever try to pretend that there is only good or only bad - both exist. For David, I hope that goodness wins out and for me, I pray that I put action to my hope, in whatever way that will be in my life, believing always in goodness. I hope that my chance meeting with David continues to make me think and act. 

As I go I think of so many things, the beauty of the countryside, dancing, singing, thriving communities, and warm, loving homes and I know only a small sliver of Rwandan and Ugandan culture and only a handful of their people. I definitely leave Rwanda and Uganda with far more questions than answers, and that's a good thing. I can't define either place but I can only say that I have been changed for seeing and meeting and learning. I am so grateful for the time I've had here. Today I leave for Paris. I can only imagine what I will feel when I get there in such a completely different place and culture. I have to keep telling myself to keep my hands open and just receive what there is to receive from there. I believe that God has more to show me as I journey on.

I also wanted to share some photos from this last week - including some from the safari I went on yesterday with Simon Pierre and his family! Enjoy and I will send stories from Europe soon!

This was quite a sight. I've never seen mattresses stacked like that before! Maximizing that delivery for sure!

My Kigali friends: Blake & Rafaelle Armstrong, Jesse & Brittany Roman, (thanks for letting me stay with you!) and new friends Blake, Joe & Sophie. This was us after celebrating Brittany's birthday with a stellar home made dinner.

A pictures from my visit to the Genocide Memorial Museum. There were many others that said the same "Never Forget" - a reminder to never become apathetic or forget, our memories remind of us of our part in humanity and our responsibility for peace. The stories, photos, and history I learned will stay with me forever. This is such a real part of Rwanda as they heal from such a terrible event in their history.

Pastor Simon & Mama Caritas - they taught me so much. Muracose chaney! I am so glad I got to visit them and to see the amazing work they are doing in Gisenyi. I know that this is just the beginning of a life-long friendship.

Giraffe in nature! What?!?! (I was excited, if you couldn't tell)

The Safari crew!

a quiet Kigali day...

...time to read, write, and reflect on my experiences and my dreams. I strolled over to a local coffee shop and enjoyed a cup of African coffee - it's a traditional way to make coffee here with steamed milk, ginger, and spices. mmm...

Uganda: dreams, a boda, & a dance party nigina

My short trip to Uganda held so much. Waking up this morning in Kigali, my mind went immediately to the places, people, smells, and tastes that I experienced over the last week. The adventure began in Kampala, a huge, sprawling city with bodas (motorcycles) darting in every direction, huge trucks carrying cargo, and people selling and buying on every corner. I met up with Max Trzcinski who's been living there for the last 3 months working with an organization called Ember Arts. I couldn't have asked for a better host, friend, and great thinker. Here's a taste of the journey...

bus ride to Gulu, eating some chapati bought from a roadside vendor. yum!

a 7 hour bus ride, complete with about 15 stops, roadside goat-on-a-stick vendors, and a bridge ride over the Nile, led us to Gulu, Uganda. Gulu was one of the many places once torn apart by genocide, war, and the enslavement of children as soldiers not even a decade ago. Driving along the red dirt roads filled with markets and families going about their days, I kept imagining what it must have looked like and felt like during the war. I knew my short visit could not even been to touch the surface of all that is held there, all I could do was to keep my eyes open to receive what I could as I passed through. 

The majority of our time was spent at Restore International's Leadership Academy. I've heard of Restore's work and I couldn't believe I was seeing it in person. The current academy just burst with life - the students were so warm, welcoming, and since Max had been there before, they quickly came up to him, eager to greet their old friend. We also got to go up the road to see the land that Restore has purchased for the construction of their academy. The space they have now is limited but this new facility will house classrooms, dorms, sports facilities, cafeteria, and more for the youth of Gulu. Standing on that land, I felt so inspired by the dreams of many that made it possible. I thought of the dreams I've had in my life for things and found new excitement to do something about it when I get home. It's funny how dreams are contagious.

Max looking out on the new property where Restore will build their school.

The boda: ok mom, cover your ears for this one. Max and I decided to rent a boda (motorcyle) for 2 days while we were in Gulu (don't worry mom, we had helmets). Max was our fearless driver (seriously, he rocked). My favorite boda moment had to be the rain day. While out visiting the Restore academy (probably a few miles out of town), the rain rolled in and we were stuck waiting for it to pass. After a couple hours of waiting, the decision was made to just ride through it. Clutching my bag and the back of the boda, we took off through the rain. I felt alive. Max, like a nascar driver, moved around trucks, through puddles, and on dirt roads like a pro. By the time we reached town, we were soaked, literally caked with red mud, and waaayyy amped on our boda adventure. I miss the boda.

the boda

On our last night back in Kampala I got to meet the Acholi women that Max has worked with for the last 3 months. Up on a hill, looking over Kampala, the women of the Acholi quarters taught us how to party. After eating at Mama Christine's home (my favorite meal in Uganda for sure), we walked down to a community building where the women welcomed us with the Acholi yell (I can only describe it as a super high pitched yodle) and 7 hours of singing and dancing as they thanked and said goodbye, for now, to Max. They do these "nigina" celebrations weekly and each time they celebrate a different person in the community - this week it was Max. I can say without hesitation, I have never seen anything like this in my life. A DJ bumped the tunes and women with babies on their backs and older mamas taught me how to shake it Acholi style. At one point, Mama Ester, one of the leaders of the group, told me, “Shake your body!" I quickly followed orders. I hope I get to return there some day. I can see why James, the founder of Ember Arts, and Max fell in love with that community.

a picture of Mama Esther from the Ember Arts blog

Back in Kigali, I get to spend a week with some PLNU grads living and working here with an organization called Edify. I can't believe how many PLNU people I've connected with on this side of the globe! I feel so alive and grateful to have seen so much in such a short amount of time. My hands are open, I wonder what another week will hold...

1 week down

It's hard to begin to capture what the last week has been. Even just to see myself write "a week" feels crazy. It feels like so much more time has passed. In my dreams and planning I didn't expect the range of emotions I've felt. To be honest, I held this trip with idealism and whimsy. The stretching and growing I wanted didn't have much struggle in the way I played it out in my mind. Arriving in Rwanda was both exhilarating and completely frightening. Although surrounded by the most warm, kind, and welcoming family, I still felt lonely. Right before I left I grabbed a book off my old bookshelf at my parent's house - Reaching Out by Henry Nouwen. It was required reading for my first LoveWorks trip to the Solomon Islands - a trip without which I don't think I'd be in Rwanda today. As I laid in bed one of my first nights here I was so restless. All of a sudden I realized I really was on this journey and no longer around the easy comfort of friends and family. So I grabbed this book from my bag. I don't think it's irony that the first movement he talks about is the movement from loneliness to solitude. I did want to experience solitude on this trip. My life as I left it had a full gamut of wonderful distractions - people who I love who keep me busy, and all the little parts of every day life that have allowed me to put off solitude and quiet moments "for some other day." In the quiet of one of  this first nights I was face-to-face with loneliness - I never would have expected it. Here are some of the words I read:

In the midst of a turbulent, often chaotic, life we are called to reach out, with courageous honesty to our innermost self, with relentless care to our fellow human beings, and with increasing prayer to our God. To do that, however, we have to face and explore directly our inner restlessness, our mixed feelings toward others and our deep seated suspicion about the absence of God. - H. Nouwen

Figuring out this whole solitude thing is interesting. And it's not because I am alone with no one to interact with but it's being completely outside of people, places, languages that I know that make it challenging. After these first few days of struggling to settle into a new place and into this journey, I began to feel more at peace. Church on Sunday especially ushered me into this peace. The music seemed to burst from the seams of the church walls as I took it all in. Tears welled in constant waves as I heard the songs and become so aware of my presence in the moment. Simon Pierre asked me to greet the church, and I shared my gratitude for being there, my years of hearing about Gisenyi through LW teams, and even more so my connection to this place through Dan Nelson. I gave my best attempt at my newly learned kinanrwandan words (which made Mama Caritas so proud) and sat down. As I listened and worshipped for the rest of the service I thought of Dan and how much he must have loved this music. I thought of LW teams and how I can see why they loved this place and the welcoming members of the church. I felt so grateful and humbled to be sitting in that seat and taking it all in. It was a total gift. My time with the family has been wonderful. Mama Caritas has welcomed me in and I have learned so much about the culture, but I still have mountains more to learn.


I will definitely share more later about the Ndengera Foundation and the incredible vision Pastor Simon has for that place. What they've done so far is absolutely amazing. Below is a picture of Simon and in at the foundation. I just love that guy.

Today I fly to Uganda to meet up with Max. I am really excited to see everything he's be doing for the last few months and see a good friend. When I come back I'll be staying in Kigali with some friends from Point Loma that are living and working in Kigali. That will be super fun too. Thank you for your love and support!

mwaramutse!

Mwaramutse! Or Good Morning in Kinyanrwandan! After a long couple days of travel I am here in Rwanda! They call Rwanda the land of 1,000 hills, and it's true. It's totally beautiful, green, and lush. Pastor Simon Pierre picked me up at the airport and we drove for miles through the West side of the country and then North to pick up his wife Caritas who was visiting her mom. The drive was full of stories, little naps here and there, and lots of taking in the sights and smells of the country. It was pretty surreal. 

Being at their home, I can see now what friends who have been here before told me about - this family shows hospitality in such a beautiful way. And not just to me, to the community. Mama Caritas is a mama to so many who she was adopted as part of their family. Last night, Caritas let me try my hand at cooking - I didn't do much but we laughed a ton and I got to see how much time, effort, and care is put into meals here. I have so much more to share but I need to get going and not take all the internet time. 

MANY more stories to come! Amahoro (peace)!

time to go!

tomorrow I leave! So much planning, packing, and dreaming and now I just go. I have no idea what's ahead but I want to keep my hands open to whatever gifts the days might bring. Destination 1: Rwanda. Pray for me as I go!

"I am tearing up old behavioral patterns of judging others, being too busy and anxious, of not having enough solitude and communion with the earth. I want to give away whatever keeps me from being my true self, from living freely and simply, from being rooted in God. I wish to burn old memories and experiences that wound myself and others. I want to remove any obstacle that keeps me from being a loving woman. I long to plant seeds of kindness, a deep reverence for our planet, a healthy spirituality, to plant these seeds in myself and in all I meet. I want to sing the song of my soul, to create the books waiting in my heart, to wear freedom and love."
~Joyce Rupp