1 week down

It's hard to begin to capture what the last week has been. Even just to see myself write "a week" feels crazy. It feels like so much more time has passed. In my dreams and planning I didn't expect the range of emotions I've felt. To be honest, I held this trip with idealism and whimsy. The stretching and growing I wanted didn't have much struggle in the way I played it out in my mind. Arriving in Rwanda was both exhilarating and completely frightening. Although surrounded by the most warm, kind, and welcoming family, I still felt lonely. Right before I left I grabbed a book off my old bookshelf at my parent's house - Reaching Out by Henry Nouwen. It was required reading for my first LoveWorks trip to the Solomon Islands - a trip without which I don't think I'd be in Rwanda today. As I laid in bed one of my first nights here I was so restless. All of a sudden I realized I really was on this journey and no longer around the easy comfort of friends and family. So I grabbed this book from my bag. I don't think it's irony that the first movement he talks about is the movement from loneliness to solitude. I did want to experience solitude on this trip. My life as I left it had a full gamut of wonderful distractions - people who I love who keep me busy, and all the little parts of every day life that have allowed me to put off solitude and quiet moments "for some other day." In the quiet of one of  this first nights I was face-to-face with loneliness - I never would have expected it. Here are some of the words I read:

In the midst of a turbulent, often chaotic, life we are called to reach out, with courageous honesty to our innermost self, with relentless care to our fellow human beings, and with increasing prayer to our God. To do that, however, we have to face and explore directly our inner restlessness, our mixed feelings toward others and our deep seated suspicion about the absence of God. - H. Nouwen

Figuring out this whole solitude thing is interesting. And it's not because I am alone with no one to interact with but it's being completely outside of people, places, languages that I know that make it challenging. After these first few days of struggling to settle into a new place and into this journey, I began to feel more at peace. Church on Sunday especially ushered me into this peace. The music seemed to burst from the seams of the church walls as I took it all in. Tears welled in constant waves as I heard the songs and become so aware of my presence in the moment. Simon Pierre asked me to greet the church, and I shared my gratitude for being there, my years of hearing about Gisenyi through LW teams, and even more so my connection to this place through Dan Nelson. I gave my best attempt at my newly learned kinanrwandan words (which made Mama Caritas so proud) and sat down. As I listened and worshipped for the rest of the service I thought of Dan and how much he must have loved this music. I thought of LW teams and how I can see why they loved this place and the welcoming members of the church. I felt so grateful and humbled to be sitting in that seat and taking it all in. It was a total gift. My time with the family has been wonderful. Mama Caritas has welcomed me in and I have learned so much about the culture, but I still have mountains more to learn.


I will definitely share more later about the Ndengera Foundation and the incredible vision Pastor Simon has for that place. What they've done so far is absolutely amazing. Below is a picture of Simon and in at the foundation. I just love that guy.

Today I fly to Uganda to meet up with Max. I am really excited to see everything he's be doing for the last few months and see a good friend. When I come back I'll be staying in Kigali with some friends from Point Loma that are living and working in Kigali. That will be super fun too. Thank you for your love and support!