home.

I've slept in my bed at my parent's house for two weeks now. Home. It's been a whirlwind. My plane landed and I jumped into the busiest, fullest time of year. For the first few days, I hid away feelings and put off till tomorrow my emotions of being home and all that had happened. It just felt like too much and I just wanted to feel "Christmasy". Time collapses like an accordion once it's past. What once felt like an eternity, taking up your whole universe, becomes this distant place, person, thing. Untouchable and sepia toned. So now what? That's been the question of the hour, both from myself and from just about everyone I've talked to. Funny thing is, I don't really know. I mean, I've joined the great job search and contemplate daily how I'm going to make it through the next few weeks on my skinny bank account. But I'm trying to let the lessons rise to the surface and stick. I need them to stick. I don't have one big thing I can point to that defines the gift these last months have been, and the process leading up to them. What's in my soul looks more like a menagerie of little things, tiny but strong. I think about tortillas at meal times, the way my host mom clasped her hands every time she laughed, the smell of the air in the Austrian mountains, and mostly the people who I shared a little bit of life with.

It's a new year. And I spent it eating sushi with my family and singing "Auld Lang Syne" to my baby nephew. I worried when I got back if I would find life at home meaningless. I haven't found that here. Instead I've found that goodness is everywhere, it's just how you see it. Maybe that is one of the greatest things I learned. Goodness is everywhere. As is the bad. But, by grace, I have so much goodness to wrap me up. A good friend used to say, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened." I'm bad with endings and goodbyes but I'm smiling. It happened and I'm smiling.

heading home

Today is my last day in Guatemala. I am a mix of emotions, excitement to see my family, sadness to leave new friends here. Now I face a new unknown of what to do when I get back. But I am trying not to think so much about that right now. For now, I am going to soak up my last hours with gratitude. 
My teacher this last week introduced me to a poem by Violeta Parra called "Gracias a La Vida" - a beautiful poem and song about gratitude to life for all the things it has given to her. The stanzas of the song keep playing in my head as I prepare to leave. Gratitude, gratitude... y gracias a Guatemala!

Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto, Me di dos luceros que cuando los abro Perfecto distingo lo negro del blanco, Y en alto cielo su fondo estrellado Y en las multitudes al hombre que yo amo. Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto, Me ha dado el cielo que en todo su ancho Graba noche y día grillos y canarios, Martillos, turbinas, ladridos, chubascos y la voz tan tiene de mi bien amado.Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto, Me ha dado el sonido y el abecedario Con las palabras que pienso y declaro, Madre, amigo, hermano y luz alumbrando La vida del alma del que estoy amando.

Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto, Me ha dado la marcha de mis pis cansados, Con ellos anduve ciudades y charcos, Playa y desiertos, montanas y llanos Y la casa tuya, tu calle y tu patio. Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto, Me di el corazón que agita su mano Cuando miro el fruto del cerebro humano, Cando miro el bueno tan lejos del malo, Cuando miro el fondo de tus ojos claros. Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto, Me ha dado la risa y me ha dado el llanto, Así yo distingo dicha de quebranto, Los dos materiales que forman mi canto Y el canto de todos que es mi propio canto. Gracias a la vida, que me ha dado tanto.

Gracias a La Vida Song

Graduation Day! I have learned so much from this school and these people. 

Tajumulco Aventura!

Guatemala has not been short of adventures! This last weekend the school took a group of us on a hiking trip up the tallest volcano in Central America, Volcan Tajumulco. It was by far one of the best experiences of my trip, and I would even say my life. The intensity of the hike was waayy understated to us when the trip was described but it was well worth the trek! We left before the sun came up Saturday morning, spent the day climbing, camped in tents at the base of the volcano, ate camp food, told stories, and scaled the volcano early Sunday morning in time to see the sun rise over the beautiful Guatemalan horizon. Truly wonderful. Here's some photos of the journey...

the crew, ready to go.

feeling good so far (hiking in high altitude is rough!) and loving the view.

lunch on el camino: bread from a local shop & guatemalan avocado... yummm

the volcano is the big mountain up to the left.
this was a beautiful open field in the middle of the mostly forested hike.

almost to our campsite, the clouds in the valley below were just unreal.

the beginning of the sunrise on top of the volcano, approximate time 5:30am.
it felt like we were watching the beginning of the world.

the clouds beneath us looked like a frothy ocean stretching out to an endless horizon.

welcome sun!

a serious feeling of accomplishment, gratitude for beauty, and extreme tiredness, loving it all. 

my feet by the end: ragged, blistered, and well used. a gift of an adventure.

Guatemala y Gracia

I've been in Guatemala for over a week now, woh, time flies. The days are full: Spanish one-on-one class from 8am till 1pm, usually an activity with the school in the afternoon, and dinner and homework at night. I'm absolutely LOVING it! Having traveled for the last couple months in countries where I did not at all speak the language, it is so comforting to go to a place where I can at least get by with the language. I'm living with a host mom, Doña Berta or Catalina (she goes by both, which I love). She is an 83 year old woman with this vibrant, rich, child-like spirit and just the right about of sass. She laughs constantly with these deep eyes that hold decades of stories behind them. She reminds me of my grandma who passed away several years ago, something in her smile I think. It has been so good to live, learn, and EAT with her - I am WELL fed here for sure. Oh, and she has a pet pigeon named Paloma. I would not say that Paloma and I are friends yet, but I have 2 more weeks there and I'm sure we will bond. Photos forthcoming of both... 


Last Thursday was Dia de Gracias (Thanksgiving) and it was the first Thanksgiving I have ever spent away from my family. It was strange but I felt oddly grown up away from home but still desperately missed being home with my family. Thankfully, my friends here Blake and Amy Nelson (who are AWESOME!) invited me to dinner at their house with some of their friends here in Xela. It was a simple, perfect night. Dinner, dessert, and speaking in Spang-lish. We listened to Christmas music and laughed. It was so good to be with friends that know me and feel a bit of home so far away from home.

Thanksgiving Day Dinner!

If you haven't read Anne Lamott, do it. For real. I love her raw honesty, no BS, tell-it-like-it-is style - she makes me want to do the same. I have been devouring Traveling Mercies like it's nobody's business, trying to slow down so I can read it for longer. One part in particular really captured me, speaking into something I have been experiencing these last couple weeks, giving me words I needed. It was in her chapter on grace. She begins by saying that she's learned more about grace in the last 2 weeks. I feel the same. I can't really put my finger on what it is exactly. All I know is that I feel God's presence in a different way here. I'm resting deeper and just feel more at peace. Maybe it's that I'm not constantly on the move like in Europe or maybe it's Doña Berta's amazing cooking and warm smile. I don't know. And really I don't care to define it. I just love living in it. So grace, o gracia, has found me here. I am grateful for it. 

trains, planes, and new friends

The rest of my time in Europe went by in a whirlwind of planes, trains, and new friends. There are about 1,001 things that I loved about Europe, but one thing in particular I've really come to love are long train rides. And wow have I had a lot of those. But it became my respite admist busy movement. There was this space and time to think as I got to watch the world pass by outside the window.  I am going to miss those train rides as I leave Europe...


Florence & Venice

View from the top of the cathedral in Florence.

I was greeted in Florence by Sara and Besmir. Thank you dear Marte Samuelstuen for connecting me to these two wonderful people! Highlight: After a homemade Italian meal from Sara, I hit the city. Stop 1: a 430+ stair climb to the top of the cathedral. It was worth every step. The sun was just going down and the city lights were coming up. I could see for miles in every direction. It was this great moment where I was reminded not to rush, and to just take a depth breath and enjoy.

Best. canoli. ever. In Venice.

Venice happened in a flash. I arrived in the morning and left that night to catch a night train to Munich. Venice is as picturesque as I've heard and immediately enchanting with its chanals, boats, and amazing buildings. But admist the beauty I was also sad to see so much commercialism. I know Venice isn't the first or the last city to commodify its natural beauty but it just struck me as I was there. I just kept wondering if we can open up places to be enjoyed without partially destroying them. This question gives me food for thought as I wander through places as a tourist...


Munich & Salzburg

Looking out at the lakes and mountains outside of Salzburg.

The theme of the following 4 days in Germany and Austria was making friends.The first night in Munich I met Angie and Joe from Colorado - they sort of saved me from an awkward conversation at a restaurant I was at and we spent the night talking, dancing, and listening to German folk music. The next day I met Maron who, after our day tour, invited me to go to an ice hockey game with her husband and daughter. Go Germany! And then there was the group of teachers who invited me to dinner with them after our Sound of Music tour in Salzburg (yes, I did the tour and it was awesome!!!!! I felt like I was 10 years old again and loved every second of it!). The group of us ate at this 120+ year old restaurant run by monks - wow, it was go-od. Then there was Amelie and the Miessner family that I met at Taize who hosted me for a night and gave me a tour around the Black Forrest area in Germany before I headed back to Paris. Mrs. Miessner even took me to her weekly dance class where a group of about 12 of German women, 1 guy, and I danced to Russian, Greek, and other Eastern music for a couple hours. By far one of my most random but favorite memories!


A quick stop in Dublin

New friend Chloe! She was so fun!

I had a short 24 hour layover in Dublin and was so grateful to connect with Chloe (Shout out to Sarah Weber for connecting us!). She became an insta-friend. We wandered the streets of Dublin, did some shopping, and talked about life. It definitely was, as Chloe said, a "whistlestop tour" but I got a tinsy taste of the city and enjoyed super fun company.

A beautiful, peaceful park in Munich, Germany.

Making new friends has definitely been one of my favorite parts of traveling. I think something changes in the way we see "the other" when traveling. Instead of seeing others as strangers in your way, they are like you, just enjoying a journey, and in that spirit there is more welcome and invitation to friendship. I hope to try to create this "traveler's culture" in my life at home. To invite people in my journey, like people did for me, offering hospitality in small ways when I can. I am grateful for this lesson.  

I'm nearly 2 months into this journey and there are no words that sum anything up. If anything I have so many more questions about the world and myself, but I'm learning. I'm learning how to hold onto this whole experience loosely, like a loaned gift. My tendency often is to grip tightly to goodness, as if I can control it. But in reality goodness can't be contained in one place, one person, one experience. The bigger lesson is how to continue to see and receive goodness in a new day and new place, not trying to drag something along from the past. I miss home, the comfort of people who know me deeply, and I am ok with that. I have to let myself feel it all, knowing its all part of the journey. Next stop is Guatemala. I'm totally exhausted in everyway but excited for this last chapter. Much love!

Pastries & Prayer

Sorry it's taken me a while to write, internet has been sparse! Stepping off the plane in Paris was surreal. The city was just waking up when I arrived, light was beginning to come up behind old buildings and I couldn’t wait to get out and explore. The movement from Africa to the heart of Paris was strange and difficult without a bridge or space to help me transition. I knew it would be hard but I also knew that I had to be present and take in the new place now in front of me. I think that is the hardest part of traveling to many places, to allow what you have experienced to linger with you while being totally open to the experience of the new. So I took the long train ride from the airport to my hotel and just took things in and let myself settle into Paris.

I immediately fell in love with Paris. I mean, it is the city of love after all. Walking lively streets covered with falling red, brown, and yellow leaves, I felt blissfully alone but surrounded by life and energy. My first metro ride, I emerged from the station to see the Arc de Triomphe to my right and the Champes Elysees to my left. Then I walked. Down the Champes Elysees, through a park, and over the Seine river. And then there she was, nestled between fall colored trees, old buildings, a blue sky – the Eiffel Tower. Call me a hopeless romantic but it was like a dream. I wandered through streets and neighborhoods and just soaked it into my soul.

I think Paris has been given a bad rap over the years as being stuffy, cold, and unfriendly. I found the opposite to be true. So many people were helpful and friendly. Like Joel from the little wine shop who sat with me for 30 minutes to tell me all the best places to eat in the area and where I should visit and how to get there. What a gem. And don't get me started on the food! Ahhh, there was pastesserie after pastesserie with crossants, breads, quiches, and little macaroon cookies. Oh and stands with crepes everywhere. O la la!

The next day I met up with Jamie Netherland who’s in Paris helping with a PLNU study abroad program and she was my tour guide for the day. We saw so much of the city in just a few hours. Among my favorites were the Montmarte where they shot the chase scene from Amelie. At the top you can see the entire city and we took in the landscape while we listened to a man play familiar tunes on his harp. Magical. In the evening we met up with more friends – Rosalie Rhine and Tracy Le. We had amazing evening going to the ballet and to a real french dinner after with Gabby Sanchez who is also in Paris. Paris was the place to be in November apparently! It was a real treat to hang out with such fun and dear friends!



Crepes!

Monet painting that spanned a whole wall at the Musee de Orangerie in Paris.

Then it was off to Taizé. The train ride there took me across the French countryside. A complete constrast to the busy city, houses stood miles apart and with acres of farms with cows, trees, and open space. A perfect way to be ushered into a week of peace and reflection. It took me a couple days to slow down from my fast pace and settle into the simplicity and routine of Taizé life. Each day we had a time of prayer in the main church. Song chants are repeated and prayers are read in multiple languages. My small group alone was a mix of people from Belgium, Germany, Hong Kong, Australia, and France! I loved hearing so many languages at prayer times and around camp at meals. I found it so beautiful that we were a collective group of people, disconnected from the outside, but all walking toward God, creator of all people and all together for a week of community.

Train ride to Taizé

Taizé is this open space that comes alive with its people and the movement of God among them. I got used to the rhythm of life. Prayer, work, time in community. Routine has been redeemed in many ways for me this week. My resistance to schedule and routine melted into peaceful gratitude for set quiet moments built into the day. I think I'll find myself back to Taizé some day, its one of those places that calls you back to that open space where you can just be. My soul feels refreshed and I am sure I'll continue to discover the significance of this week as my trip unfolds. 

St. Francis stained glass at Taizé

Now I jump back into travel and movement. Next stop Florence, Italy! Buon giorno pizza, gelato, and pasta! I thought I'd share also my prayer for myself right now: Find the good in today. Be grateful, this moment is a gift. Listen and learn.

leaving Africa

As I hear the rain falling outside as I write, I am keenly aware that I am leaving the beauty of Africa. The last week has held so many different experiences that it's hard to wrap my mind around everything. So I won't try to wrap it all up but just give a little bit of my thoughts that are in my mind as I go...

Meeting David:

I met David just outside of Gisenyi when Pastor Simon had taken some of us to see the natural hot springs. After driving down a rocky dirt road and through a small town we arrived and drew some attention since there were a bunch of Rwandans with a "muzungu" (white person). David approached me quietly and just stood by me until I said hello. He quickly answered back and I could tell was excited to practice his English. He carried a ball that had been carefully made with plastic bags and string to be a soccer ball - each knot was perfectly spaced and tied. We began to talk and I asked him what he wanted to study. He said medicine, to be a doctor. I told him that was so great and to keep going in school to be a doctor. He smiled and we continued to chat about his tests at school the next day. Our conversation was short as we left the hot springs shortly after, but I keep thinking about David. I don't think I'll ever see him again or know what he will do with his life and I hold both sadness and hope for him. Seeing poverty is never easy and is not anything I can or want to rationalize, summarize, or try to forget - I hope it affects me and continues to affect me deeply in my life. I have learned that it is the weight of the knowledge of sadness, injustice, and hurt in the world that keeps us human and deeply connected to our world. I hold hope for David that he will become a doctor like he dreams. I want it so bad for him. I think the world we live in holds both immense goodness, sadness, dreams, and unjust reality. I hope that I don't ever try to pretend that there is only good or only bad - both exist. For David, I hope that goodness wins out and for me, I pray that I put action to my hope, in whatever way that will be in my life, believing always in goodness. I hope that my chance meeting with David continues to make me think and act. 

As I go I think of so many things, the beauty of the countryside, dancing, singing, thriving communities, and warm, loving homes and I know only a small sliver of Rwandan and Ugandan culture and only a handful of their people. I definitely leave Rwanda and Uganda with far more questions than answers, and that's a good thing. I can't define either place but I can only say that I have been changed for seeing and meeting and learning. I am so grateful for the time I've had here. Today I leave for Paris. I can only imagine what I will feel when I get there in such a completely different place and culture. I have to keep telling myself to keep my hands open and just receive what there is to receive from there. I believe that God has more to show me as I journey on.

I also wanted to share some photos from this last week - including some from the safari I went on yesterday with Simon Pierre and his family! Enjoy and I will send stories from Europe soon!

This was quite a sight. I've never seen mattresses stacked like that before! Maximizing that delivery for sure!

My Kigali friends: Blake & Rafaelle Armstrong, Jesse & Brittany Roman, (thanks for letting me stay with you!) and new friends Blake, Joe & Sophie. This was us after celebrating Brittany's birthday with a stellar home made dinner.

A pictures from my visit to the Genocide Memorial Museum. There were many others that said the same "Never Forget" - a reminder to never become apathetic or forget, our memories remind of us of our part in humanity and our responsibility for peace. The stories, photos, and history I learned will stay with me forever. This is such a real part of Rwanda as they heal from such a terrible event in their history.

Pastor Simon & Mama Caritas - they taught me so much. Muracose chaney! I am so glad I got to visit them and to see the amazing work they are doing in Gisenyi. I know that this is just the beginning of a life-long friendship.

Giraffe in nature! What?!?! (I was excited, if you couldn't tell)

The Safari crew!